You pull me in close so I’m surrounded by your body
Like warm air on a beach day. I bask in our energy.
Your shirt comes off and my fingertips are drawn to your skin;
Your body is an art form I can’t tear myself away from.
My hands travel down your chest like I adventure on rock trails and my eyes shine just as brightly as my fingers skip over the chiseled trails your muscles form.
I’m giddy with curiosity and the innocent sparkle in my eyes causes you to wonder.
We wander for a while in the chasms of each other’s eyes and minds.
I want those arms to hold me down while your chest presses against my naked body.
Press that rocky path of muscles and hot sunshine skin against me while I struggle.
I’ll make you beg and whimper with longing till you wrestle me in place.
I got off the antidepressants about a year and a half after starting them. I was angry to have been put on bipolar medication with so little analysis and counselling. Though several friends I had confided in had agreed that it was a correct diagnosis, I denied it.
I didn’t need the medication anymore, I’d found the key to the happy hormones I lacked: sex.
After 20 years of having no interest in physical contact I joined Tinder, met a stranger and lost my virginity to him on our third time meeting. I’ve heard that people who’ve experienced trauma end up forcing themselves to relive it over and over again.
Sex became something I needed. Without it I would spiral into depression and experience wild mood swings. Yet, I did not remain with any of my partners long.
It is my desire to strive to be a better me every day. I have interpreted my life experiences as a message to myself that reminds me over and over how terrible I am. I associate this guilt with religion.
However, I believe inner peace can be found in loving others without judgement. Rather than disparaging myself I wish to focus on the value of others. One message I have held onto from Christianity is to love others.
It is difficult not to judge. I hear a story of some terrible act, told not with regret, but with humour or relayed without any shame, and I think ‘I would never do that.’
Each day I am reminded that I should never underestimate the evil in myself. Never overestimate the evil in others. I continually surprise myself in the worst ways. Humility is a key component in love. Judgement often comes from the belief that I am superior in some way.
Self-love and self-acceptance are currently highly promoted. I believe loving yourself is important. I also believe that the self-love we support so strongly today is being promoted counter-intuitively.
Posting selfies constantly and seeking approval from others only drags down our self-esteem. We focus on our appearance rather than what our talents and gifts can contribute to the world. Posting on social media becomes about how many likes a photo can get. Changing how we look or present ourselves to get the highest amount of responses is not self-love.
At work, I listen to stories of people cheating on spouses. I listen to women say they’re glad a co-worker died. I listen to people saying they hate someone who, in my mind, is very similar to them. I listen to men calling women they’ve slept with, whores. While I have an opinion, my place is not to judge. Why is humanity like this? How can I display love and not judgement?
I have discovered that the best way to witness hate is to respond with love. The best way to tolerate bullying is to respond with understanding.
Absently Searching 