My mind walks this tightrope carefully.
And nothing scares me like the demons I bore,
They rattle my ribcage till I’m trembling.
Like a wounded animal, my Sanity Roars.
I aim at my soul my harshest thoughts,
like bullets,
Take down joy with heartless hand grenades,
It’s safer to put my trust in let downs,
If I am the villain, of whom am I afraid?
Fear born within my stomach
Stretches out its arms
Tiny little twigs
That utterly disarm
It grows beyond its boundaries
Pulling at my chest
Paralyzes me for naught
So I can never rest
It pulses when my heart pumps
It inflated when I breathe
When I move it shudders
But it never leaves
It shakes my mind for thinking
I tingle when it laughs
And anywhere I try to go
It stops me in my path
Anything that calms me
It calls the enemy
Threatens my existence
Unless I swear to flee
So here I sit in silence
I stare but cannot see
Feeling naught but emptiness
Just my fear and me
Death is calling to me
As giggles roll through my body,
As I fail at something new,
As I look over at the nobody
That fills the whole room.
He whispers to me,
While busyness unfolds into nothingness,
And too much noise shuts the doors into silence,
My reflection growing more grotesque
As I transform from plaintive to violent.
Death sits with me,
Watches my dreams,
And I sleep in his arms,
He says we’re on the same team—
I fall for his charm.
I can cry silently in a room full of people,
Write about suicide in buildings with steeples,
Fear the highs because I anticipate the lows,
Consumed by this Giant, as the madness grows.
Death counts with me
As minutes barely pass.
Then suddenly weeks are lost,
And he’s been counting down till I crash,
And I’ve been double-crossed.
Absently Searching 