All Magic Comes with a Price…

What we had was magic

So good it makes me ache

Came with a price like magic does

And just like magic, fake.

We wrote our own love story

And unwittingly our demise

For what’s a story really?

Except more fucking lies…

You rode in like Prince Charming

Slave to lust and greed

Stabbed me in my heart

And for years just let me bleed.

Our story was a fairytale

But all stories end

Like a child I believed it

Though fairytales are pretend.

The book is finally closed now

But you’re still on my mind

Because tainted love leaves many scars

But worst it leaves you blind.

Parched

Rivers plan their course,

Following my quiet footsteps.

But I am a broken force,

Dragging along the shattered remains of what’s left.

I thirst.

Rain throws itself from the skies

To slide down my skin,

My lips refuse to part.

Only my eyes join in—

I weep.

Waves rise up and crash hard to reach me,

But I climb the highest rooftop— Scarred.

I’ve drowned before.

Each inhalation of water teaches me,

I’m cursed.

Life sits peaceful as an unstirred lake,

Fills me to my brim with flavourless, tepid, nothing

Numbs me till I cannot wake.

I long for it to shake, earthquake… something!

I sleep.

…And I dream of cold well water swallowed and streaming into my feelingless soul.

I shiver

Love in Place of Guilt

It is my desire to strive to be a better me every day. I have interpreted my life experiences as a message to myself that reminds me over and over how terrible I am. I associate this guilt with religion.

However, I believe inner peace can be found in loving others without judgement. Rather than disparaging myself I wish to focus on the value of others. One message I have held onto from Christianity is to love others.

It is difficult not to judge. I hear a story of some terrible act, told not with regret, but with humour or relayed without any shame, and I think ‘I would never do that.’

Each day I am reminded that I should never underestimate the evil in myself. Never overestimate the evil in others. I continually surprise myself in the worst ways. Humility is a key component in love. Judgement often comes from the belief that I am superior in some way.

Self-love and self-acceptance are currently highly promoted. I believe loving yourself is important. I also believe that the self-love we support so strongly today is being promoted counter-intuitively.

Posting selfies constantly and seeking approval from others only drags down our self-esteem. We focus on our appearance rather than what our talents and gifts can contribute to the world. Posting on social media becomes about how many likes a photo can get. Changing how we look or present ourselves to get the highest amount of responses is not self-love.

At work, I listen to stories of people cheating on spouses. I listen to women say they’re glad a co-worker died. I listen to people saying they hate someone who, in my mind, is very similar to them. I listen to men calling women they’ve slept with, whores. While I have an opinion, my place is not to judge. Why is humanity like this? How can I display love and not judgement?

I have discovered that the best way to witness hate is to respond with love. The best way to tolerate bullying is to respond with understanding.

Kindess for all.